Friday, November 11

Conversations with my Vagina


Dear Vagina,
Thanks for being such a trooper this month. I finally know what it means to have a happy period.

Dear Jaime,
Don’t thank me… thank the hormones. They’ve been AWOL for a while now.

Dear Vagina,
What? Where did they go?

Dear Jaime,
They’ve been recruited to deal with all the extra stress you’ve been going through lately. You just need to chill the fuck out.

Dear Vagina,
Well, if it helps me have awesome months like this… I’ll be glad to stay stressed out 24/7

Dear Jaime,
Well that’s all fine and dandy… but don’t blame me when you die early of a heart attack or sudden embolism.

Dear Vagina,
You’re kind of a snide bitch, you know that?

Dear Jaime,
I am, so you don’t have to be.



Dear Jaime,
Hey… you wanna work on some vaginascaping.. I’m feeling a little neglected down here. You aren’t going to get any play looking like a wookie, ya know.

Dear Vagina,
In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been a little busy with school and homework…

Dear Jaime,
And a little extra time in the shower is gonna kill ya? It’s not like I’m asking to be vaginadazzled or anything.

Dear Vagina,
Don’t be so dramatic, it’s not like it’s been that long.

Dear Jaime,
Oh come on… I’m starting to get rusty! Remember that time in the kitchen?

Dear Vagina,
That was fun… ok… shower time.



Dear Vagina,
Could you please tell the ovaries to cut it out…. I’m trying to relax up here and the constant cramps are NOT helping.

Dear Jaime,
I don’t know .. those ovaries are trouble. Remember the last time I tried to have a discussion with them, we ended up in the hospital?

Dear Vagina,
Oh yes.. that was awful. Remember that female doctor with the manhands?

Dear Jaime,
I’m still traumatized.

Dear Vagina,
Sorry about that. Ok… we’ll leave the ovaries be for now. I’ll just drink some wine.

Dear Jaime,
Good choice.  Maybe you could send some my way.

Dear Vagina,
Now that’s just perverted.

Dear Jaime,
You know it.



and just cuz I found this picture and think it's hilarious...




who doesn't love a good vaginacake?
img courtesy of vagina power cupcakes

13 comments:

  1. Hahaha!! Loved the end. What a sassy vagina you have!!

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  2. HAHAHAHAHHAHAAA!!!!

    I currently want to cut my uterus out with a dull spoon, to ease the pain, so I know what you mean.

    FUCK YOU LADY BITS, FUCK YOU!

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  3. I'm a little concerned about the long white thing hanging out of the brown vaginacake in the middle...

    Vaginas seem to be in the air this week... Wassup with that? It's like they're rebelling or something.

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  4. My vagina can eat shit. It's been my worst enemy this week!

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  5. Thank you SO much for that photo. And this is the first time I'm visiting your blog, so the fact that it's called "ITS SO FUZZY" and you write about vaginascaping is possibly unintentional but definitely awesome

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  6. Those darn hormones . . . I am sure my vagina is writing unread letters to me about certain things. They have cupcakes for everything these days.

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  7. Interesting cupcakes...I've never seen any like that before. I'm glad you're communicating so well with your vagina. I'm not on speaking terms with mine at the moment.

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  8. My vagina and I discovered it was actually Uterus coming between us. Now that we've gotten rid of that interfering bitch, we get along GREAT.

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  9. This is hilarious. It makes me want to have a vagina.

    Not. I am fine with my penis. But I am slightly disturbed by the vagina cupcakes. They remind me of the bloody finger cookies my wife makes for Halloween. OMG. I just realized she probably makes them to look like bloody tampons on purpose. So THAT'S why she's always laughing her ass off at the Halloween Party. I thought it was all the Margaritas. That bitch...

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  10. By far the best conversations with a vagina that I've ever read.

    My vagina and I don't get along nearly as well as you do with yours. There's normally just a lot of yelling and swearing.

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  11. Have you heard about the recent supposed phenomenon involving teenage girls soaking tampons in vodka before using? Maybe you can try that out to make your vag a little less mouthy.

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  12. Just read this... fucking awesome. Brilliant.

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